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My conversion to Islam!


Not satisfied with the Church of England in which I had been brought up as it lacked vitality and definite authoritative teachings, I became a Roman Catholic at the age of 20. My conversion cost me many years of unhappiness because of the opposition of Church along had the One True Faith, and I must do God's will, no matter what the cost to myself or those I loved. I found that price of unity in the Roman Catholic Church was the giving up of private judgement. I had to believe in the infallibility of the Church, and in any teaching of the Church, no matter how contrary to reason. If my reason rebelled, as it often did, I had to tell myself that my reason was wrong and that the teachings of the Church were above reason. One example was the belief that every wafer consumed at Holy Communion is changed into Jesus Christ, both God and man although no change is apparent to the senses. I wondered how a man could be contained in a wafer, and how he could be in so many wafers at the same time, not only in that church, but in churches all ever the world. There seemed to be something repugnant about the idea of consuming human flesh and blood. Nevertheless, I compelled myself to believe that the teachings of the Church must be true, and I worked myself up into a state of spiritual ecstasy, by means of prayers, so that I could adore the wafer without arguing with myself or feeling repugnance. Another problem was how the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross could be repeated over and over again without his dying again. There were a number of other problems. These doubts caused me great unhappiness. I felt that I was not a good Catholic.

I also found myself unable to wholeheartedly accept the worship of the Virgin Mary and Saints. Catholics do not believe that the mother of Jesus is Divine, but they speak of her as the Queen of Heaven, Mediatrix of all Graces, etc., and regard her intercession as essential. I once heart a priest tell a class of school-children that a man who had been very wicked, was saved from Hell by one thing--he never forgot to pray to "Our Lady." I could not reconcile this with the Biblical version of Christianity--Jesus as the Saviour of the world.

In spite of all these difficulties, I found many consolations in the Catholic Church, and was something very happy in it. For a period of about a year I felt very divided, as a result of coming into contact with a number of Protestants whose ardour and sincerity matched that of Catholics. They presented me with a clear-cut alternative to Catholicism, based on the Bible along-- unlike the vagueness of a large part of the Church of England. They believed in Jesus Christ as Saviour. Although I admired their simplicity of faith, I could not agree that one is saved by faith alone, nor that one can never lose one's faith once he has accepted Christ as Saviour. After much self-questioning, I was thrown back on an even more implicit obedience to the Catholic Church to still my doubts.

I knew little about Islam. I was rather prejudicated by reason of certain newpaper articles about the slave trade in Arab countries, polygamy, traffic in drugs and cruelty to animals. I had a vague memory of schooldays history of the crusades, which gave the impression that the Muslims were barbaric and intolerant.

I remembered how my feeling of being torn between the doctrines of Catholicism and Protestantism had driven me to despair and serious nervous breakdown. Would this new quest for truth lead me to an even worse condition? Nevertheless, I felt that I could not forget about the Quran and go on as if I had not read it. I prayed that God would guide me to the truth. In order to make a just judgement, I imagined that I was a person from a remote place, who had never heard of Christianity, and I put personal memories and prejudices out of my mind, as far as possible.

I considered the possible alternatives regarding the Quran. Either it was a Revelation from God or Muhammed had obtained his information about histories described in the Bible from human sources, and had pretended to be inspired by God, or he was inspired by the devil, either because he was wicked (may God forgive me) or because he was a well-meaning man who had been taken in by the devil. I obtained some informaiton about the life and character of Muhammed from other books and sources, both Muslim and non-Muslim. It seemed unlikely that he had obtained his detailed knowledge of Jewish and Christian history from human sources, since he could not read the Bible, and if he had talked to Jews and Christians, he would have found it difficult to remember so many details from a few conversation while, if he had had any intensive instructions from Jews and Christians, other people would have known about it, and would have exposed him as a fraud. In fact some people tried to make these allegations, but were unable to make out a case.

A study of his charachter convinced me that he was incapable of misrepresentation. He was devout, kind, just, forgiving, and avoided the sins which spring from selfishness and selfindulgence. An unscruplous man, prepared to tell blasphemous lies for his own ends, would not have faced thirteen years of presecution and discouragement as Muhammed did. Nor would his followers have shared his sufferings for so many years if they had not believed in his sincerity. When success came to him, he did not become a proud, intolerant dictator, as a self-seeking man would have done. He continued to live simply and with humility, and he forgave the people of Mecca, who had caused so much trouble for him and his followers, when he could have wreaked vengeance on them. Only a man who sincererly sought to please God could have conducted himself so well in adversity and prosperity. Jesus said, "By their fruits ye shall know them." A hypocrite cannot avoid giving himself away at sometime. In Muhammed's life there was nothing to cause people to question his sincerity.

Again was it possible that the devil could sometimes take control of a normally good man, and delude him into thinking that his inspirations came from God? Was it likely that the devil would establish an apparently good religion for the sole purpose of preventing people from being saved through faith in the exposition of the teaching of Islam were modern, scientific, and assimilable to my mind. The extreme simplicity, coupled with extreme sincerity of the worship of Islam by its followers, impresses me with the feeling that this Faith occupies the first place in the Universe.

Madame Kahlida Buchanan-Hamiltion H.

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